Dr. Robert Akins
Posted by Stuart at 12:58 PM on December 02, 2004I have always tried to live my life without regret. I'm not saying that I always make the best decisions. Sometimes I do things that maybe I shouldn't have done. Instead, I just try to look at the mistakes as something to learn from, not something to regret and to wish I could do it over again. After all, it is both my past failures and my past successes that make me who I am today.
One part of my life where I didn't live up to my potential in some ways was when I was an undergraduate at Washington and Lee. My GPA my first semester was less than half of my high school GPA. That's right, do the math and you will see that I didn't have a very successful begining to my college career. In fact, my GPA was very close to those numbers that become smaller when you square them. (My apologies for that last sentence. I'll blame it on teaching fundamental math a few times a week.)
Academically, I never quite got into the groove at W&L. I graduated, but no honors were thrown my way. Even though I could have done better in the classroom, I don't regret the time and energy that I put into my athletics and into my friendships.
Now that I am a college teacher, I think about this now and then when I see so many of my students who are not reaching their potential. But this week, however, this topic has been given a special place in my mind. I was on the W&L website looking for instructions on how to get a transcript sent to Australia for my PhD applications, and I just happened to find this link:
W&L Community Mourns the Loss of Physics and Engineering Professor Robert E. Akins
Dr. Akins was not only my advisor but I had more classes with him than with any other professor. He was a very good teacher and mentor -- tough but fair. I, however, wasn't such a good student all the time. I have always wanted to go back and talk to him as an "adult" and to apologize a bit for not giving as much effort as he did, and to let him know that I turned out ok afterall. He was only 58, so I thought I had plenty of time.
But that conversation will never happen. Sometimes it's hard to live completely without regret.
Stuart, Dear Abby addressed your regret today: 'DEAR ABBY: Two former teachers made an incredible impact on my life. Both encouraged me to stretch far beyond what I thought possible for myself. They pushed and nudged me, praising my efforts in pursuing my dreams. I promised myself I'd contact them "one day" to let them know how much they influenced my life.
A few months ago, I finally contacted my old high school to see if I could locate them. To my dismay, I learned that one had been killed in a car accident the year before, and the other had gone to the hospital last spring and passed away without ever going home.
I feel terrible. I never had the chance to tell two wonderful people how much they mattered. Please urge your readers to stop right now and make that call. We may never have the chance again. -- TOO LATE IN CLEVELAND
DEAR TOO LATE: That's a lesson I'm sorry you learned the hard way. Kind thoughts are meant to be shared; they do no one any good if you keep them to yourself. To paraphrase a poem I heard years ago: "If you're ever going to love me, love me now. Don't wait until I'm gone and have it chiseled on my headstone; let me hear it while I'm living, so I can enjoy it." '
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your old college professor, especially one who meant so much to you. I know it's difficult to, but don't regret that conversation that never happened, Stuart. If you have faith that there is life after death, then rest assured that he DOES realize that you turned out OK after all. Plus, the fact that you are making a difference in other university students' lives is enough to make him proud, I think. :)
Take care.