Continuing the theme in yesterday's post, today I have been thinking about what I was doing ten years ago. In some ways I wish I had a blog, or at least a journal or diary so that I would know for sure what I was doing. I guess I could go back and try to find old emails. But other than that, I really don't have a record of what I was doing. Of course all of that will change, for my memories starting in July 2002 are saved for posterity. (Or at least as long as someone keeps registering this domain!)
So, I am not exactly sure what I was doing Ten Years ago, but I think I can make a decent guess. So, without further ado:
10 Years Ago, July 1995: Quite simply, the last few years (1993-1994) have probably the most confusing points of my life. After a less-than-stellar undergraduate career (as far as GPA was concerned, at least) I had started and then quit graduate school for Mechanical Engineering at the University of Florida. I had been taking more undergrad courses at UF trying to figure out what to do with my life. First, it was Electrical Engineering, then Computer Engineering. Neither had quite sparked my fancy as much as I wanted, but it had brought me to want to give Computer Science a try.
In addition to going to school part-time, I was working two jobs. During the day I was a substitute teacher in public high schools. Talk about combat duty! I'm convinced that being a substitute teacher is one of the toughest jobs out there. At night I was a waiter at a Steak restaurant. I knew that I didn't want to be a teacher in American public schools, and I knew that I didn't want to be a waiter for the rest of my life. And as I said above, I knew I didn't want to be an engineer either.
So I realized that I needed to make a big move, a big change. I needed to shake up my life and get back on track. This summer of 1995, I was probably in the middle of transition, preparing for this move. The move took me to North Carolina, where I finally found my groove. Three years later I had a masters degree in Computer Science, my name on several academic papers, and a desire to move to San Francisco to ride the dot-com wave.
Ten years later, this little exercise of taking a look back over decades makes me want to look for patterns and for explanations as to what my life has been. (What a surprise for me to try to ANALYZE this!) I see ups and downs. Periods of amazing success as far as numbers and productivity are concerned. Then there are periods where I was focusing on my social connections and on pushing my boundaries and not worrying so much about productivity. And then there are periods of confusion and doubt where I was wrestling with personal demons and not really focusing on anything.
And perhaps the hardest part of all of it for me is to just accept the limits that being human has bestowed upon me.
I can definitely identify with your analyzing of where you have been in the last ten years, especially the last statement, "the hardest part of all of it for me is to just accept the limits that being human has bestowed upon me." We cannot do all things at all times to the level that we want to do them. We have human limits. Although I, too, have reached the conclusion to which you have come, I still do not like to accept it, nor do I like it. However, life is interesting and enjoyable regardless of the limitations. God has a plan for each of us, and through Bible study, prayer, and being open to God's will for our lives, that plan becomes more clear as well as the acceptance of our limitations and the purpose for our life.
Mom
And there is the ever present question of, "what do I want to be when I grow up!" :-)